Why write this blog?
I started this blog following a visit to a friend in London, who's willingness to understand the complexities of my experiences gave me a new hope in humanity following a period of several years of immense stress and disassociation from society.
It all started with a good old catchup.... It had been 12 years since I was living in London and there was a lot of ground to cover on both sides.
We had been out for the evening and had a fantastic time overcoming both our social anxieties, laughing, playing and exploring some areas of my old haunts around Shoreditch. Upon returning to his flat we started exploring our life views and experiences as we once had all those years ago.
I was describing an issue I often struggle with; boundaries and interpersonal relationships....
It was regarding someone I had recently met and who had also recently given me inspiration too. This new guy was effecting me in ways I have never experienced before and I did not want to loose this rare connection. However this relationship, in it's very early stages, was already generating social and interpersonal anxiety due an uncontrolled reaction I had had and openly exhibited and was feeling ashamed of.
I knew if I could not reign my thoughts in and find balance, I was in great risk of loosing the chance to see this relationship flourish before it had even started.
I needed to find reassurances and to be able to express my concerns but full of fear that I was being irrational and possibly going crazy and therefore being misunderstood or harshly judged was starting to build up. I knew I needed to make lasting changes to my interpersonal skills but was I going overboard or not trying hard enough? I could not see the way forward and after several nights of lack of sleep knew this was all the ingredients to make for my undoing in forging a meaningful and lasting relationship, once again.
This is when the chat about my conditions and the complexity of their comorbidity started.
During our discussions he asked if I had a blog where I shared my story and progress, knowledge and my very well versed self-awareness of these complex conditions that are are often misunderstood within the constricts of our modern society...as a way for himself to use as a resource for better understanding.
Despite his lack of knowledge in the subject, he gave me a gift that will forever have a positive and lasting effect. He supported me in growing my confidence and allowing myself the acceptance I have often longed for and missed during my journey so far. He helped me realise that my compassion, although often draining, was a tool I had great strength with and that this shouldn't be wasted but actually shared across a wider platform, especially as this is what bonded us as friends all those years ago.
Throughout our discussed anecdotes and stories and his acceptance and open-mindedness, offered further reason to allow myself the opportunity to once again feel like I deserved to be heard and find my sense of belonging. In turn this helped me feel myself once again, when I had often felt the person I was once before was lost to a world of judgement and ignorance. I had felt like I had been mourning a previous version of me and with his candour & compassion I was able to progress into a state of enlightenment that that girl was not lost and in actual fact she was very much still there.
I wanted to offer a gift in return for this and so here we are.....The best bit is that everyone is welcome to read on and explore, and hopefully I can also inspire positive and lasting enlightenment to all those other ladies (and their supporting peerage) out there that are feeling as lost and isolated as I once did.
These complex conditions that are are often misunderstood within the constricts of our modern society for many reasons, but I hope with a shared compassion and willingness to understand, my blog will help develop lasting positivity and only strengthen the knowledge forging a new way forward for all future generations too..
Special Thanks!
For Dave, a way of showing my deepest gratitude for having such a compassionate and loving friend and offering me a safe space to reflect, process and develop without judgement. This has come about due to your willingness to learn and support me sincerely. You helped me conquer so much more than ever could be expected within one weekend! I feel so blessed and will always love you.
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